This page was crafted in response to the Tom Cruise interview in Spiegel April 17th 2005, LINK
A future Comedy Central script
Voiceover: Do you want to watch The Last Samurai or War of the Worlds
but are concerned about the CULTIC influence of one of its stars?
NOW, you don't need to feel left out.... Lermanet.com has the answer,
for just 3 easy payments of $66.60 you will
recieve the
TOM CRUISE SAFE MOVIE WATCHING KIT!!
Included in this kit: A white Dupont Tyvek(tm) full body
HAZMAT Suit. Impact resistant goggles, full face mask Breathing
filters with PURPLE (OSHA Class IV) organic toxin filters and ACID
resistant RED neoprene gloves, AND if you order RIGHT NOW, we'll send
you a absolutely free...A pair of RED ear protectors!!
Coming soon, ( but not soon enough:
the - The John Travolta Battlefield Earth Upgrade:
( not illustrated )
Includes a special 25 foot long DIVING SNORKEL for safe breathing
while navigating submerged in deep vats of doo-doo... and a Corrosion
resistant, stainless steel CODPIECE to protect you from what your
freinds will try to do to you...for making them watch that movie.
Above: Image of Codpiece from John Travolta's Battlefield Earth Stinker,
Coming Soon: The Kirsti Alley DIY Home Lobotomy kit
Ask about our special on 36" long stainless steel tongs for safely disposing of
Free Personality Analysis or Introductory Movie 'tickets' from street hawkers.
ACT NOW, The mind you save, may be your own!
